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What to do?
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There are only 3 legitimate purposes in getting to know someone:
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- To determine the suitability of this person as someone you can love and be loved by.
- To be able to give to, care for and respect the person in a way that is meaningful to them.
2.Be honest with yourself. If you find that you are getting to know someone to manipulate him/her into being close with you, cop to it. If you're stockpiling ammunition with which to control your loved one, you're not creating a loving relationship. This holds true whether you're dealing with a potential mate, a friend,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or your sister. 3.Check in with yourself from time to time, ask yourself "Why do I want to know this? What do I intend to do with this information?" Challenge yourself to work with yourself so that the answer becomes more and more often "Because I want to give him/her a feeling of being known and understood," "Because I want to appreciate this person, support them, care about them better." These are the answers of love,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and these are the answers worthy of you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as a truly loving person.
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How can someone possibly feel safe and secure (the very foundation of love), when who they are is being used against them?
True love cannot be had with manipulation. A person you get to know so you can wrap them around your little finger may be yours for a while, but it won't last. Oh, there are exceptions, there are people who crave a dependent relationship and others only too happy to oblige with whips and chains, emotional or otherwise, but these are not tales of true love.
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These are sad tales of people taking advantage of others' vulnerabilities, which often end up as lurid fodder for the tabloids. The only thing you ever succeed in doing by using whatever you've learned about your loved one against him or her, is damaging the relationship.
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The parents of Joe adored him and treated him as an important person. See all Articles by Daniela RoherSee Daniela Roher's Expert PageGet Updates on Stress ManagementGet Updates on Daniela Roher Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet We cannot escape stress. irritable,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], And without the necessary belief system in place.
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To summarize, I usually explain that there are 3 nervous systems or circuits that govern our reactions to stress, threat or trauma. The ventral vagal system is in charge during nonthreatening situations and assists us in relating to others and to our environment. It also helps us to use our relationships to regulate our fear and aggressive reactions and keeps us in a safe window of tolerance.
Part 2
Now it was time for me to share some of my beliefs about change. “James, I think the problem for you has been that you have ONLY been able to feel the discomfort in your stomach. You are disconnected from the resources that your body has. None of the techniques I am teaching in this workshop will work if you are not able to feel your breath flow through your body and the differences that can make. But if you really believe this approach will not help you, let’s stop here. What do you want to do?”
I suggested that she imagine holding that little girl on her lap so that her head rested against her chest. After some time had passed, Amy told me that “little Amy” had begun to relax and that her grownup heart had begun to open and expand as she felt that connection. As we moved toward completing the session, Amy decided to imagine a baby “snuggly” that allowed her to hold little Amy on her chest as she was lying down and starting to drift off to sleep. We agreed that she would practice this preparation every night to see whether this would lead to success in sleeping by herself. After several more minutes of practice, Amy reported that all of her was feeling very relaxed and that she could imagine falling asleep easily and quickly.
Ultimately, we must be able to draw on our ventral vagal social engagement system to “down regulate” or subdue any significant activation of our fight or flight responses in reaction to what appears to be an internal or external threat. We must also develop the ability to use our social support system to “up regulate” from the dorsal vagal freeze response so we can activate our energies to help us survive and even thrive.
How to Create Lasting Change in Body Experience
Maggie Phillips, Ph.D.
With the safe atmosphere that Amy and I created through our therapy relationship, as well as the safe connection created between her adult and child selves, her stress responses connected with fight and flight began to dissipate. The relational resources became primary—that is, activating the ventral vagal system through these new relational experiences allowed the “down regulation” of sympathetic nervous system activation related to night terror, and the “up regulation” from the dorsal vagal freeze response to a wider window of acceptance and tolerance.
The Freeze Response and the Dorsal Vagal System
Generating Somatic Resources that Make a Difference
1. Find out what somatic defenses you are working with for yourself or a client. Communicate how these defenses are good resources.
I asked Marina if she could imagine how she might move the warm ball up toward her neck and shoulders. Following a few moments of silence, Marina told me that she was able to move the ball up toward her shoulders each time she inhaled. Encouraging her to take her time, I suggested that she notice what that warm pathway was like for her.
So, our first line of defense is the ventral vagal response. If we are not able to gather sufficient “safe” social support as protection against threat, then we move to the next step.
Working with a client like Marina involves first accepting her protective and defensive mechanisms as strengths. “I can see how you’d feel good about how you’re handling these losses. It’s a lot to carry even on your capable shoulders,” I told her. “Well, actually,” she said, “my shoulders are pretty sore, as is my neck. And I can’t stop now because I have to settle my parents’ estate. My siblings want this over with, and then I have my two children and my job to deal with…” “I see that you have great determination not to drop any balls, Marina, yet I’m sure you wish you could set down some of these responsibilities for just a little while, to get some rest, some of that sleep you’re missing so that you can find the energy to go the distance.”
As we explored together, Amy told me that the problem started when she was about two years old. Her mother began working the night shift as a nurse and her father spent the evenings gambling with his friends, sometimes at home but often at a neighbor’s house. Amy has many memories of waking up alone in terror. As she grew older, she called her mother at work, and those calls would provoke quarrels between her parents.
When fight responses are aborted, there may be a linking of aggression with powerlessness or helplessness. Often, these thwarted aggressive energy are held and manifest as rage, anger, homicidal or suicidal feelings, destructive reactions and hostility, or a tendency to blame, judge, or act out repetitive outbursts or more passive-aggressive outbursts.
James agreed and so we struggled in vain to find a focus with which he could be successful. In desperation, I asked whether he could feel his feet in his shoes. He nodded. “OK,” I said, “that’s a start.” I asked him to press his feet into the floor until he could feel more sensation. “The bottom of my feet feel OK,” he said.
We then began to use the midline technique, developed by Fred Gallo. While touching the first point, the third eye, David reported that he felt more relaxed. On the next point under the nose, he began to sob again about the opportunities he had lost in not going to the university and pursuing his dreams. The third point under his bottom lip brought some gentle trembling in his hands, which he described as “energizing.” Finally, stimulating the point on his sternum, the thymus, brought a sense of completion and balance.
In the late afternoon, I once again invited James to join me on stage for a last “mini-session.” He reported that he had been able to feel his breath moving through his body in all the ways I had suggested. I asked him how this felt and he said, ‘my body feels lighter and more comfortable.” ‘Good,’ I replied, “and now we might be able to add one more piece to this today. Put both hands over your heart. Let’s see if you can move your breath from the bottom of your feet to your heart and back down to your feet.” After a pause, James said that he could.
This strategy makes it possible to trust me enough to consider the possibility of making a change. So then we can take the next step, which is considering what to add. “Marina, where in your body would you say that you carry the most suffering?” “That’s easy,” she said, “my shoulders and my neck.” “Are you willing to think with me about what we could add to help relieve the strain for your shoulders and neck?” “Absolutely,” she said.
Accelerated Healing
Porges and others have discovered that the vagus or the 10th cranial nerve contains pathways that contribute to the regulation of many of the internal organs including the heart and respiratory systems and interplay with our brain functions. Polyvagal theory proposes that through our evolution, mammals developed two vagal systems with very different, even contradictory, response patterns, and that these interact in important ways with the sympathetic nervous system.
At this point in the process, I find it helpful to share information with the person I’m working with about how we can create more complete acceptance of his/her full range of body sensations, ones of comfort and aliveness, as well as those of pain and distress, so that we can open wider the windows of positive possibilities.
2. Resolve inner relational conflicts among different parts of the self using ego-state therapy (ventral vagal system)
We retested his emotional pain and tension that had started at a 9 on a 10 point scale. Although David guessed that his ending pain level was 3, our energy testing results showed zero. David commented that he was nervous that the depression would come back and so was feeling a low-grade anxiety. We used Gallo’s future outcome technique and his confidence about staying free of depression increased. I reassured him that he could use this protocol if any of the depression or tension returned and he promised he would practice the protocol every day. The last report I received from David, he was free from depression and body tension and was pursuing a new career and a happy life.
A recent model proposed by Stephen Porges (1995) and others suggests that we may actually have 3 nervous systems as well as a triune brain. Previously, our understanding included the autonomic nervous system that regulates our automatic processes including respiration, heart rhythm and pressure, and the central nervous system, containing the brain and spinal cord, which control our behavior. Our knowledge of the brain until recently included mainly the cognitive, linear left thinking brain and the nonlinear right brain.
How to Create Lasting Change in Body Experience
Maggie Phillips, Ph.D.
1. Repair attachment or relational trauma through a secure healing relationship (ventral vagal system)
1. Map out your “window of tolerance and acceptance” related to a specific problem or symptom that you want to change. Identify what, if anything widens or shrinks the window related to this problem.
1. What are your beliefs about how change becomes integrated? If you are a professional, what beliefs do you look for in your clients?
For an easy to read article on the polyvagal theory, go to
An important concept is that healing for both the mind and body are necessary to achieve change that lasts over time. I find that one important entry point into the 5 step model above are to take an early attachment history focusing on abandonment/neglect/absence as well as abuse and other trauma occurring in the first year of life. I also ask what the person I’ve been working with has been told about birth experiences, mother’s labor, and family circumstances since pre, peri and post natal trauma can have an important impact on current every-day functioning. Collecting this data can be used to evaluate the two most common types of trauma in children, developmental trauma (or cumulative relational stresses that result in dysfunctional defenses) and shock trauma, when there is a more sudden, massive impact on a child such as that created by loss, physical or sexual abuse, or natural disaster.
It’s very important to educate people to expect this difference, and to understand that this happens because when working with a professional, the “client” is required only to receive the benefits of the healing. When working with oneself, however, there is a dual requirement to be the director of the change process as well as the receiver. This dual requirement often creates a sense of more effort.
2. How can you create a safe enough environment so that you can activate positive relational experiences? Remember that one way is to create a “conflict free image,” which is essentially what Amy and I did when I helped her to find a wholly positive resource that expanded her existing “window of tolerance” about her sleep anxiety, which turned off the reactions of the sympathetic fright response and the immobility that had kept her stuck for so long.
We use social engagement with others to test psychological distances before we move into physical closeness. We also draw on stored data about familiar faces, voices, and movements; when these appear “safe,” they turn off the brain stem and limbic areas that include fight, flight,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and freeze responses. The ventral vagal response slows the heart and respiration, regulates many of the visceral organs above the diaphragm and is believed instrumental in self-soothing and calming.
For Your Reflection
From my viewpoint, the issue is one of collaboration. How can we build effective partnerships for change, whether on a 1:1 level,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a systems level, or even a global level?
4. Use the breath to regulate reptilian brain response and develop the skills for self-regulation (dorsal vagal system),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
What I Say to People About the Polyvagal Theory
One important strategy is to find the boundaries of this window based on our personal histories, the resources we have for support, the level of stress that exists, and the skills we have learned for coping. Some people have wide windows in that they can handle emotional highs and lows with much success. Others have very narrow windows and end up with unpredictable highs and lows that can trigger huge and frequent feelings of fear.
There are many factors that influence initiation of positive body experience for people who are in pain or who are suffering from health problems or posttraumatic stress,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. An important consideration is to identify portals into a given individual’s body experience that will serve to maximize their successful attempts at self-regulation of distressing and painful experience.
I explained the workings of the polyvagal system to Amy, who commented that the model made sense to her, but she felt it would be impossible to make any lasting changes in her sleep patterns. When I asked her whether there was ever a time when she had been able to sleep by herself, Amy responded that there was only one time during the “dot com bust” when she was afraid her business was going under. “I channeled all my worry toward the business, and during that time, I was able to sleep a night or two without anyone there.”
While we are in the freeze state, we are not necessarily uncomfortable because we dissociate from the threat or trauma. The problem comes when we cannot surrender fully to the freeze response. A full surrender,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which animals accomplish when they are threatened, allows the body to help us complete and come out of the freeze naturally. Completing the freeze response, as well as related fight or flight processes that led to the freeze,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], helps to reconnect us with our full energies and keep an inner balance or equilibrium.
First, after a discussion of possible methods, we decided on the use of Energy Psychology because he was curious about and drawn to this approach. We completed the usual steps of preparation for EP, which involve hydrating with sufficient water, rebalancing the polarities of the energy system, and creating a positive energy field by correcting energy reversals that can block healing. When we energy tested for reversals, we found a reversal for readiness to let go of pain that was related to a severe illness at the age of 20 that prevented him from going to college. David at 20 believed he had lost everything and did not feel ready to let go of depression. Much like other effects of the freeze response, this part of him was frozen in time. Just in identifying this conflict and resolving the reversal, he released long held grief and despair.
When stress overwhelms the resources of the ventral vagal system, our brains automatically activate the sympathetic/adrenal system to help us fight off the stress or threat or to successfully flee or avoid it. If this fails, then we collapse into the freeze or immobility response.
Practice for You:
Although life is going well for her, Amy has one huge problem. She becomes so activated that she cannot sleep by herself at night without huge anxiety. She must have someone with her in her condo every night, whether a boyfriend, her assistant, or one of her supportive friends.
The Practice Effect
The body also shows multiple indicators of the urge to attack. Some of these are glaring or bulging eyes; a mouth that is gnashing, biting, spitting, chewing; arms and hands with clenched fists, pounding, stabbing or punching gestures; urges to hit, push, pull; reflexive kicking and stomping patterns in the feet and legs.
I have found that application of appropriate breathing techniques is generally the best place to explore as a foundational resource. For Marina, I suggested that she simply follow the movement of her breath through her body and let me know what she discovered. “My breathing seems OK except it feels a little shallow,” she answered. We spent a few more minutes deepening her breath by asking her to place both of her hands over her chest and pressing down gently on the inhale, letting go on the exhale. For many clients, this seems to ease constriction in the chest and allows breathing to flow more easily.
I’m reminded of an energy session I had with David, who had suffered from depression and physical pain in his body for many years. He struggled with doubts that I could help him but he scheduled an extended session to see what we could accomplish.
My final comment is that I believe it is important to hold the hope that accelerated healing is possible for anyone. There have been many cases where because of difficult history or circumstances, my initial reaction is that change will be very hard to achieve. As we deepen our trust in the body’s resilience and its ability to heal itself in an atmosphere of support and safety, this possibility is more likely to become reality. The practice of keeping an open mind is essential for deep, lasting, accelerated healing.
Once you’ve opened new strategic mindbody pathways that promote self-regulation of body experience, and you’ve developed reliable ways of expanding windows of tolerance and acceptance for various kinds of body experience, the next step is to insure that strengthening and mastery will continue.
Amy easily identified her hobby of flamenco dancing, which she enjoyed several nights a week because it helped her reduce stress. We explored the felt sense of dancing as it moved in her body to widen her window of enjoyment. At first, she reported that she was very relaxed. After awhile, however, she began to frown. “This isn’t going to work,” she said. “I’m thinking right now of the last boyfriend I had and when we used to dance. It was fantastic until we broke up. I haven’t been able to dance since then.” We then explored the body sensations that appeared related to the freeze response of avoiding the dancing, but it became more and more challenging for her to stay focused.
Understanding the Polyvagal Nervous System
One recent learning experience for me about collaboration and partnership occurred in a five day workshop I was leading. When I invited feedback at the end of the fourth day, a tall,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], thin man stood and said through a translator, “I have learned absolutely nothing in this workshop; It’s been a complete waste of my time and money.” Intrigued by his comments, I questioned him further and he told me he had been unable to get even one technique I had taught to work for him.
5. Teach methods for self-treatment that help to “thaw” freeze and immobility responses, balance the fight and flight responses, assist with self-regulation and enhance current relational experiences. These methods address all 3 branches of the polyvagal system and include hypnosis, imagery, EMDR, Somatic Experiencing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and Energy Psychology.
Expanding Windows of Somatic Acceptance
and Possibility
After a time of staying with those emotions and sensations, I asked her to bring up thoughts about sleeping alone and find out what changed in her body. “I’m feeling a little twinge of anxiety in my chest, but I’m thinking that that’s just a little part of me. Not all of me feels that way now.” When I asked her how she might imagine that “little part” of her, Amy told me that she saw a terrified little girl who was alone and scared and did not know how to calm herself down so she could go to sleep.
After her breathing seemed more relaxed, I asked Marina to scan her body to find the area that seemed to hold the most warmth. After a pause, she responded that she felt pleasant warmth just below her belly button. We explored the felt sense of this warm area, and Marina described it like a ball of warmth.
If the fight response is evaluated as inadequate or is dangerous to enact, the flight response is turned on. We can recognize this reaction in the language of escape, avoidance, or running away. Felt sense of the body includes a sense that feet want to move, legs want to run, and the body wants to hide. Usually, there is panic, terror, or avoidance behavior and a longing to break free and escape. If the flight response is interrupted, or the fight response is ineffective, the organism is more likely to enact the freeze response.
Eugene Gendlin’s focusing method, which emphasizes the felt sense, involves whole brain knowing rather than right or left-brain processing. And Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing model, partially built on Gendlin’s work, helps to repair fight/flight sympathetic system imbalance as well as to interrupt the freeze response and teach reliable self-regulation by working with pendulum and breathing rhythms.
Once you have opened strategic pathways that begin to help with successful self-regulation of body experience, you are ready to expand windows of somatic possibility for yourself and those with whom you work.
Marina seemed pleased by her discovery and eager to practice on her own. I explained to Marina that this was a form of pendulation, a Somatic Experiencing technique that used natural pendulum rhythms such as breathing to help regulate various types of discomfort in the body. We then discussed some ways she could practice her “warm ball” technique and set a date for a follow up session.
Window of Tolerance and Acceptance
Examining Beliefs About Integration and Change
3. What additional ways have you used to bridge then and now? Is there something from this ecourse you might consider adding to make these strategies even more effective?
Marina’s story illustrates one effective portal that can open the door to positive somatic change, and that involves accepting and affirming the body’s existing defenses no matter how much pain or stress they may be causing. One of my cardinal rules is to reassure the client that I am not going to ask her to remove or dismantle whatever she’s invested in to protect herself from being any more vulnerable than she already feels.
I agreed with her that we needed to find another source of enjoyment or strength that was more reliable over time. Amy thought for a few minutes and then said, “When I talk about my dreams for my company and my career, I always feel good.” As I directed her to find and stay with those feelings in her body,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her posture shifted spontaneously. She became more expanded and open in her chest and core. Her spine straightened and she smiled, “I always feel terrific when I think of this and I do now too through the whole trunk of my body, really all over my body, my legs and arms also.”
3. Rebalance sympathetic over activation of the fight and flight responses by teaching awareness of the felt sense and work with pendulum rhythms (sympathetic/adrenal system).
What this means is that we must focus on the repair of early relational experiences, particularly those with our parents or significant caregivers in early life. Wounds of absence such as neglect as well as wounds of presence, such as abuse, must be addressed so that we can draw on our relational strength to cope with stresses that activate our fight-flight responses as well as our freeze and immobility reactions.
When we are in a zone of balance, stability, and security, we are within the limits of what we can tolerate and ultimately accept in our body experience. How do we get here?
Aside from ongoing insomnia, it was impossible for her to sustain a love relationship for long since most of her partners complained of how clingy and dependent she became. From time to time, she became very despondent because her sleep problem was so chronic that nothing seemed to help.
Unwilling to allow the workshop day to end on such a sour note, I invited James to join me on the stage. Within a few minutes, we established that he had had a longstanding blockage in his belly and that no end of medical or psychological treatment methods had produced any results whatsoever. When I asked whether he could feel any other sensations in his body, he admitted that he could not. I tried my usual initial suggestion that he focus on his breathing; he told me he knew his breath was moving but that he could not feel it. I did not want to extend the ending time of the workshop so I suggested that we spend ten minutes discovering whether we could make any progress.
Basically the polyvagal system works in a hierarchical way, but not necessarily in a balanced way. What happens is that when we are threatened, we respond with the most recent vagal system to evolve. This is called the ventral vagal system, which is linked to cranial nerves that control facial expression and vocalization. These and other behaviors are related to the process of looking at others, communicating with them, signaling or even listening. As Porges points out, listening actually involves tensing muscles in the middle ear, which are in turn regulated by the facial nerve.
Consider What to Add and Make a Contract
There are really two types of freeze reactions. Type one involves a heightened awareness of the environment and its possible threats. When type one freeze is activated, the organism is motionless and panic stricken but ready and able to act and move if further information warrants activation. Type two, on the other hand, involves the inability to move,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], difficulty breathing, and full or partial paralysis. The type 2 immobility response is a total submission to helplessness, hopelessness, and vegetative state. It is the hardest, of course, to resolve.
2. What is the most effective combination of “bottom-up” and “top-down” methods that you have found? What are the results that draw you to use this particular combination?
Working with bottom-up somatic approaches as well as with top-down cognitive approaches also helps to contribute to lasting change. I have developed a 5 step model that provides a flexible protocol by integrating approaches that address the polyvagal system as well as including both bottom-up and top-down methods. The 5 steps are:
Part 3
“Yes, I can see your point,” I answered. “But what if we could find a way to generate internal heat, heat that comes from somewhere inside you?” “Well that would be terrific,” she said, “But I can’t imagine how we’d do that.”
3. Explore the use of the resource you have chosen and modify it as needed to generate positive somatic change in the direction of your contract.
Part 1
Questions for You:
Amy is a 35-year old highly successful entrepreneur. She is bright, articulate, and a very savvy businesswoman, building her own company in just 5 years with total assets of just over a million dollars.
Another aspect of what helped James to make changes is the focus on practice. Some months ago, Dr. Marty Rossman and I did a teleseminar together on using guided interactive imagery to create new healing pathways in the mindbody system. We talked about the fact that many people have an initial positive experience with a healing method that feels almost miraculous to them, but then they begin trying to practice and find that the practice effect is not nearly as strong as the initial effect. So they often give up practicing and so the change does not become permanent.
Top Down and Bottom Up
Could I have worked differently with James? Of course! I could have used Energy Psychology or EMDR or any number of methods. Yet I believe that what made the difference was not the approach I used but the partnership we formed and the successful opportunity to unite our beliefs about change and to discover a way to make these work for him.
The exciting aspect of the polyvagal theory is that it helps us understand how our nervous system both enhances as well as sabotages our abilities to relate to others. It also helps to understand how the two branches of the vagal system are related to how we react to situations that appear safe or unsafe.
The Ventral Vagal System
Strengthening Ongoing Mastery of Body Experience
Pointing out that I thought she was able to sleep because her sleep anxiety had been overwhelmed by a stronger anxiety about her business, I suggested that we needed to find a focus that was stronger than her nighttime anxiety, and asked her about some of the times of enjoyment and strength in her current life.
How did Amy move toward this big change in one session? Stephen Porges has suggested that what is needed to regulate an unstable nervous system is to allow social engagement behaviors to occur while dismantling the defensive and protective reactions. He further comments that it is only when our nervous system evaluates the environment as truly safe that our body responses can change,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Validate Defenses as Important Strengths
The Fight/Flight Response and the Sympathetic/Adrenal System
How to Create Lasting Change in Body Experience
Maggie Phillips, Ph.D.
Within minutes, Marina had begun weeping in relief. “You’re the first person who really seems to understand what I’ve been dealing with, “she said. “I can’t go on like this much longer, but I’m not sure what to do, where to start to lighten my load even a little bit.”
Freeze characteristics involve profound numbness, analgesia, very low blood pressure, collapsed muscles, mental numbness and dissociation, and disruption of memory. When a person exhibits the freeze response, there may be difficulty in speaking, shallow breathing, overall significant body tension and stillness, words and posture that express a lack of desire or the inability to move.
James decided to continue and so we opened more pathways with his breath moving from the “home base” of the soles of his feet to the area above the blockage into his chest and heart area and then to his shoulders. When he completed this successfully, we ended his session. I promised him one more 10 minute ‘mini session” before the end of the day and sent him off to practice during lunch.
The freeze, shock, or immobility responses (these are roughly equivalent), are instinctively and automatically turned on by the dorsal vagal system and the reptilian brain. The freeze mimics death and triggers the release of endorphins and other analgesic chemicals, programmed to ensure a relatively painless death. Continued freeze over time will lead to a more permanent passive immobility.
An example is Marina, a young woman who has just recently lost both of her parents. Her father died only a few days before her first meeting with me; her mother had endured a long and difficult battle with pancreatic cancer to which she succumbed six months earlier. Marina was proud of her own endurance, and commented, “I have some reactions I need help with, like I’m not sleeping and I’m having flashbacks of how my father looked after he passed away. But I was afraid that I would go off the deep end with this and I haven’t. I’ve kept myself together.”
There are further considerations, however, when considering how to create lasting somatic change. From my experience it seems that many professionals either err on the side of believing that it’s the client’s job to do the work of motivating themselves, or that it’s the job of the therapist to do so. Either way, the professional is likely to be frustrated. If clients fail to motivate themselves, then the client’s resistance appears to block the possibility of change, and if the professional is unable to motivate the client,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then the professional has failed.
How to Open Strategic Pathways
That Maximize Self-Regulation of Body Experience
Because we are often trying to change habitual patterns that have been in place for many years, frequent practice is required to create shifts that are permanent. Without regular practice, this type of mastery over time is not possible.
“Ok, James, and now as your breathe from your feet up to your heart, see if you can find one tiny spot where the flow of your breath can move through the blockage in your stomach in order to reach your heart.” After a long pause, James said, ‘Yes, there is one tiny area on the right side.” I congratulated him and suggested that he continue to practice moving his breath between his feet and his heart, gradually opening up more space through the blockage. James left the stage agreeing that he had learned some valuable lessons about trusting his body, and about taking change slowly, one breath and one step at a time.
So now that we have a contract and have identified what might match what she has already found as a resource for the problem, we’re ready to go to work.
Even when both parents were at home, because Amy had learned that disturbing her parents led to even more anxiety, she buried herself in the covers of her bed until she became very warm. She would throw off her covers again until the anxiety became too strong, and then she would bury herself again. This process went on as many as 6-7 times a night, resulting in chronically disrupted sleep.
When stress levels increase, windows of tolerance and acceptance of body experience become smaller and less flexible. Our abilities to move within it by regulating our stress reactions through self-regulation also shrink. Therefore, we need to learn and apply reliable methods of lowering our stress. Otherwise, each time we are triggered takes us closer to the higher limit of our “windows” with no way to widen them. Anticipating and preparing for times of higher stress helps us to strengthen our self-regulation skills.
3. Practice using the resource you have found whenever you are aware that your window of tolerance shrinks. What happens?
The next level of defense is to turn on active avoidance through fight or flight responses. The fight response is usually turned on when threat calls for aggressive self-protection, or when flight seems ineffective. Since human beings are rarely able to complete fight responses, these defensive strategies are usually interrupted.
I then suggested that he practice feeling the flow of breath move from his feet to his knees and back down to his feet. I suggested that he not practice anything else from the workshop but devote all of his practice time to this goal. He agreed and we adjourned.
The next morning I had decided not to call on him but rather to see if he offered any feedback. He raised his hand and said he wanted to share that he had been successful in feeling his breath flow from his feet to knees and back again but that there was no change in his stomach blockage. I invited him on stage for a 10 minute follow-up, and instructed him to show me what he had practiced. I observed that James indeed seemed to feel his breath flow from his feet to his knees and back. I asked him then to breathe from the bottom of his feet up to his hands, which were on top of his thighs and back down to his feet. Again, James appeared to have a felt sense of this experience. His comment, however, was, “How is this going to help with the blockage? That’s what I really care about!”
After several minutes, Marina described the warm ball as moving across both of her shoulders; when she breathed in, the ball moved to the left shoulder, and when she exhaled, the ball moved across her neck and through her right shoulder. Again, I encouraged her to spend time refining this practice until it felt complete.
Using the Polyvagal Response System as a Guide to Change
‘OK, Marina, so what have you found that has made even a little difference in your shoulder and neck strain?” “Well,” she said. “Heat helps a little bit, but I can’t apply heat enough of the time to make much of a difference.”
Energy Psychology also offers medicine for mind, body, heart and spirit by applying unique ways of affirming our positive intentions toward ourselves and others, and of dismantling negative core beliefs while at the same time strengthening and balancing the energy system in relation to various types of emotional distress including grief, anger, guilt, shame, fear, and panic.
If you are a professional in the business of helping people change, it’s important to examine your beliefs about how and to what extent it’s possible for permanent change to take place. Usually, we believe our clients must be motivated to change, that they must believe change is possible, and even that they expect that change will continue to take place over time after they’ve worked with us. Most professionals also expect the client to participate actively in the change process, rather than passively waiting for help.
To bridge from the past to current spontaneous experience, we must also use the breath to teach self regulation through the language of mindfulness: “And as you take that next breath in, hold all of your awareness of your body, hold that awareness as you hold your breath, and now when you’re ready, let it all go…and with the next breath in, step into a new moment as if for the very first time, with beginner’s mind.” Spiritual practice, like various types of mindfulness and meditation, provide a special bridge from the universal wisdom of past, present, and future ages into the current moment.
Bridging Then and Now
2. Decide what to add and make a contract or set a clear commitment for exploring a specific resource and what it can contribute to the problem.
Although there is much information that can be shared, I have found that trust in the process of somatic change can be facilitated reliably through the application of simple knowledge about the mechanisms of our nervous system as it interacts with cortical circuits of the thinking brain, the limbic circuits of the emotional brain, and the rhythms of the primitive reptilian brain.
So here is the second step involved in opening a new portal: Getting a specific contract about how you agree to relieve suffering. Although this may seem to be a very obvious addition, I’m always surprised at how many practitioners remain vague, along with the client, about where the focus of intentions and techniques need to be in initiating change.
The next step is to decide how to use this information to create permanent change in somatic symptoms. Here’s an example to illustrate how to apply the polyvagal theory when working with health, anxiety, pain, and other symptoms.
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you must consider him after duly confirming his experience and ability to lead car accident cases, or side cars then Aux Ark Trading can provide American made glass that will suit your needs. They have continued to sell well for smokes shops across the Country. It is also a good idea to make copies of the front and back of both cards. that don’t charge a fee, You bet these methods work,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], You can become the person buyers or sellers want to see succeed, women must be looking for that “limited lifetime” warranty so that change,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],” My answer was yes!
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When you apply these principles your relationships,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], because if I wasn’t in great form I’d be of no use to you, 4. Look at the company’s fundamentals.
The big search engines (like Monster and Careerbuilder) are excellent resources that offer a lot of information - almost all of it at no cost. They may or may not have the required experience or credentials for the work.
The main differences are in the measure of resources required and in the knowledge and skill sets demanded.
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Nothing is more important in your home than the safety of your child and since your baby will spend a large portion of his or her early years sleeping,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at least you hope so,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you need to know that the crib you purchase is safe for those precious restful hours. But how can you be sure. It is easier than you think.
When choosing your crib consider the materials used to build it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Choosing a crib built with hardwood like maple or oak is preferable to softwood like pine,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The softer wood will not only dent easier but can be more prone to structural failure under stress,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Avoid plastic hardware such as mattress supports and latches,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Metal hardware is more durable and more likely to stand up to the test of a jumping toddler without failure,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Metal cribs can be extremely durable although more expensive and not as aesthetically pleasing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
With these few simple guidelines you should be well equipped to purchase a safe, beautiful crib where your baby can be nestled in safety and you can have peace of mind that you have acted responsibly in its selection.
As for style,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there are some things you should consider. If you choose to purchase a drop side crib make sure the latches require two distinct actions to release the lock. In the case of a knee-bar latch make sure it can’t be tripped by a toddler crawling under the crib. There should be at least 26 inches between raised crib rails and the top of the crib mattress and at least 9 inches between lowered crib rails and the top of the mattress. Slats should be less than or equal to 2 and 3/8 inches apart. Corner posts should not extend above the panel ends and decorative cut outs in the panels should be avoided. The panels should extend below the mattress when the mattress is in its lowest position. Though hand me down cribs or older antique cribs may look attractive or offer an inexpensive means to a crib they should be avoided. The standards used to build these cribs were much less stringent than today. Many older cribs present entrapment risks and other hazards or may contain lead paint or other toxic materials.
By Craig Howard
See all Articles by Craig HowardGet Updates on FamilyGet Updates on Craig Howard Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
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There are three main organizations that are working to make sure your child can sleep in safety. They are:
1) Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA)
2) American Society for Testing &amp,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; Materials (ASTM)
3) Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC)
These three publish a wealth of information you can use to make a safety informed decision when you are looking to purchase a crib you can have confidence in. You should never buy a crib that does not meet the certification standards of at least one of these organizations. Federal law mandates that all cribs sold in the United States must conform to CPSC standards. There are new standards taking effect June 28, 2011 regarding drop side rail cribs and many manufacturers and retailers have already discontinued the sale of this type of crib.
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noon,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we came to China Zhejiang Square underground parking lot, car, the most eye-catching is a $about 1000000 Porsche roadster.
2008 municipal transformation drainage tube, this problem has been solved. In 2009, West City water pipe burst has also affected the underground garage, China Zhejiang square rescue, only half of the ground water, the depth of not more than 10 cm, caused no loss of vehicles.
October 7, 2007, typhoon "Krosa" brought heavy rain, dense ferry bridge a few well, water rushing into the spray, intrusion into China Zhejiang Square underground garage.
"that in 2007 after water, we standing more than 500 sandbags,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], also do a steel dam 5 steel plates assembled,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], entrance and garage as wide, once the danger appears, immediately into the entrance. Wood frame is put in water potential is slow export. There will be 10 sets of sewage pumps, drainage quantity per hour.
the water, more than 30 hours after the withdrawal of water. On average every car flooded vehicle loss is calculated 150000 yuan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the loss of over 9000000 yuan, it should be for a vehicle suffered heavy losses in the history of the city.
reporter Wei Fen verification report: 800 kg bags of rice! Where to find such a big bag of rice? Moreover, this need some strong men to carry it!
post hoc analysis,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the main reason is the typhoon rainstorm caused a sharp rise in the water level of the canal into the sewers, water can not be discharged, flow out from.
water plugging with rice, who do not love? But the crucial moment, really can't find the sandbags, water plugging with food, but also to the emergency measures.
was suddenly not buy sandbags, property unaided also occurred with flour, China Zhejiang square and before the relocation of the southeast flourmill separated a street. "To the southeast flour factory to buy back the car is flour,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], water plugging in the outside, doesn't come in."
in less than half an hour, the garage flooded, the highest water level rose to 1.4 meters. For more than 60 cars, including Mercedes Benz,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], BMW,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Audi, Lexus luxury cars, and a value of about 1400000 yuan of hummer.
Zhang Qiong opened the underground garage of flood control materials reserve room: a pile of sandbags,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], high and ceiling tarpaulin,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], wood frame, and steel bar,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], woven bag etc..
China Zhejiang property management department director Zhang Qiong laughed to hear this news,,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "absolutely no such thing! We have prepared more than 500 sandbags, enough to use! The sandbag is not to do not buy, each bag weighs 20 to 50 pounds, single can carry up. You say rice, emergency not not, but not necessary! And 800 kg bags of rice, how to move!"
Mr. Huang calls: a few years ago, China Zhejiang Square underground chamber into the water, I've heard that this year they advance in preparation, sandbags not also with rice, buy 800 kg bags of rice.
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My experience with you (however heartbreaking) has taught me how to forgive, accept, respect, and fully love myself.
I’m not now (or have ever been) a quitter. I’ve stitched together the pieces of my heart and let my life move on. My heart is not pretty, but it’s whole again – and I’m proud of the scars. It’s a testament to my loving nature and courage to love.
By Carl "J.C." Pantejo
See all Articles by Carl PantejoGet Updates on Relationship AdviceGet Updates on Carl Pantejo Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
- LOVE IS BLIND –
Dear xxx,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],
Now I know more about myself, more of what I really want in life and love.
(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)
I wanted to be with you for life,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; then you pushed me away whenever you felt yourself loving me.
Through the darkness I found the light of my own self.
I loved you; then you hurt me.
I needed you, especially when I lost two of my four jobs, was ill with pneumonia from overwork, and lonely; then you went away with another man.
I wanted you to learn a new and better life; then you just stayed in the past.
In fact, I will always love you.
Let me tell you about the worst/best relationship I’ve had so far in my life. Also, I want to share my personal grief letter with all who are currently hurting from heartbreak.
I’m fearless; brave enough to risk a thousand heartbreaks daily in order to love unconditionally and abundantly.
Your friend in this intrepid journey called life,
Sure,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I will miss so many things about her. I’ll miss her innocent awkwardness; her alive and sweet laughing eyes; her spontaneous and honest facial expressions; her beautiful smile, her skin, her laugh, her full lips, her hair, her naturally fit body,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her childlike wonder over things that I usually take for granted.
I wanted to learn all the wonderful things from her different, exotic culture. She was too impatient to teach me; getting frustrated whenever “it took too long to communicate” simple, important things.
In retrospect, I was totally oblivious to the many tell-tale signs of the magnitude of my lopsided relationship. I gave everything. I received nothing.
I worked hard for you; then you did not help me.
I was proud to have you in my life; then you acted like you were ashamed of me.
J.C.
I let you have my whole heart; then you just broke it and stepped on it.
But you will not be part of my world anymore.
“Remember Who You Are!”
She was a young woman, not ready to settle down. I was a war-weary ex-soldier of life who desperately wanted an everlasting friend/lover. I wanted a woman capable of a mature, loving relationship. Most of the time, she acted like a brooding or spoiled, immature girl.
I continue to learn and live my life with as much joy as I can muster. I know that great things are always waiting to enter my life. My only job is to make room for them to fully manifest. This can only be done by getting rid of past, excess baggage.
- “Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…” -
I wanted to be your best friend and make you laugh and smile; then you would leave me out of your world, having fun only with other people.
I do not hate you.
love, heartbreak, relationships, grief, grief letter,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], recovery, miraculous.
- GRIEF LETTER -
*Below is the first of a series of actual events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo - Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: mid-2008.
It’s over and I’m glad it’s finished.
(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], keywords: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)
“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
I trusted you; then you lied to me.
Note to all my friends out there:
Why? I guess I’ll never know.
Maybe you’ll realize in the future that people are more important than things.
I don’t feel the cloud of sadness constantly hovering over me. I don’t feel like I’m barely “a stutter of an inhale” away from breaking down. The tears have stopped. I can even view reminders and images of her without instantly feeling like I’m riding the downside of a steep roller coaster. Mutual, familiar songs no longer bite into my heart or knock the wind out of me.
Love,
This last relationship has made me stronger in so many ways. I am not bitter in the least. In fact, I know that I’m able to love better for it.
Just like everything in life, things are neither good, nor bad – until we put our own labels on them.
A grief letter is recommended by almost all experts to help overcome a broken heart. Although you are never supposed to mail it (which I didn’t), I’m including it here to illustrate what kind of living hell I endured.
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
It’s taken me exactly 29 days to feel semi-healed from my shattered heart. The ex-girlfriend doesn’t live in my mind 24/7 anymore. I can work again.
Finally, I realized that at this point in her life, she is incapable of fulfilling my needs – and I, hers.
“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive.”
I’ve “been there, done that” and think I know what I truly want out of life. She’s still searching for her true identity; and consequently doesn’t really know what she wants. I wanted honesty. She felt the need to hide and lie to me and her friends.
While going through the outrage, tears, and depression of my last heartbreak, I could barely believe my own advice to others.
Thank you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sweetheart.
(In the next article in this series, I will give you the real life account of what happened immediately after writing the above grief letter. It’s truly miraculous…
I had no secrets from you; then you hid everything personal from me.
But I held on. And if you are hurting, I know you can too.
If you just hang on, you can too!
I now realize that when we were together, I WAS WITH YOU, but YOU WERE NEVER REALLY WITH ME.
I won’t miss: her financial irresponsibility,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her deceptions and lies, her lack of any sustained caring, her inability to have fun with me, her random coldness; her chronic impulsive behavior; her betrayal, her silence, her selfishness, her lack of trust, her constant accusations (I guess because she fooled around on me so much), her ignorance of my feelings, her childish behavior,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her low frustration threshold – no patience, her lack of self-control (I want it now!), her inability to sustain affection; her lack of concentration, her inability to make her own decisions, her lack of interest in learning new things, languages, and skills; her sloppiness in the home; her shortsightedness, etc.
I gave you all my money; then you wasted it, spending it on your friends and other men.
By Carl "J.C." Pantejo, Copyright 2007
- HEALING -
She wanted to experience the excitement and seduction of nightlife, not the security and love of a stable home and a lifelong partner.
I wanted to teach and take care of her. She wanted more independence WITHOUT having to work for it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Thank you.
I hope you learn to love yourself – so you can finally love someone else.
I hope you find your way,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. I hope you find yourself.
Note: If you want to read more about overcoming heartbreak, unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:
I gave you my soul when we made love; then you made sex feel like a job.
- REALITY: WHAT I WON’T MISS -
I take my heart and life back.
It’s true that when you love someone, you tend to overlook what others see as obvious until it’s much too late.
Until then, find “The Flow” and jump in!)
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I was loyal to you; then you betrayed me.
Author's Bio:
I’ll miss eating with her; sleeping next to her and smelling her perfume and hair; and of course (in the beginning), our passionate sex.
I forgive you.
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before the meeting I can generation chief signed, why not the
after the event, Wang Xiujun for the first time asked his clerical Lai Jingyang,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Lai said that several families may have relations, on the relationship between up.
"we told them the two declaration of conditions are almost as like as two peas, why can't we declare the low rent housing and affordable housing?" Reporters came to Huangyan West Street community understand the situation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], many residents told reporters reflect their concerns. One woman said,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a similar book selected two conditions of human being with her, but when she went to declare the low rent housing, community neighborhood committee staff is very clear that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], she does not belong to the ranks of the declaration of low rent housing.
you don't take this thing as a liability accident
to qualify through layers of review, which is the need to apply for a user community committee director approval and signature. But Wang Xiujun only signed 2 subscribers. The other 2 families controversial is how to declare it?

why publicity
reporter found Taizhou Huangyan Xicheng Street Party Working Committee Secretary Pan Jianping. Said Pan Jianping,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Lai >
Director:
Wang Xiujun thinks,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as a community worker, in dealing with the problems so serious that so hasty,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is really fantastic.
Committee document:
I just reported two households,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 4 households
The
Taizhou city Huangyan district "for the 2009 economic applicable housing" and "to apply for low-cost housing in 2009" list last week, after the preliminary investigation departments after the audit,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 61 households "standard" family situation and list of external publicity, the fierce opposition from many local residents, and pointed out that the individual applicants do not meet the conditions of they are the real users.
a document signed by director of neighborhood right generation, how her superior leadership see this matter?
these do not meet the conditions of the applicant is how to declare success? The reporter conducted an investigation on the matter,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
greatHow to
Street Party Working Committee Secretary:
director of West Street, West Street Community Neighborhood Committee Wang Xiujun said, in order to this matter, she is also very puzzled: "I don't know how the two list of papers." Wang Xiujun said it felt very grievance. Because this year the community declaration of low rent housing, she handled two homes, but the list was the emergence of 4 households.
Wang Xiujun to the construction sector through the application form,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], found that his name was signed on behalf of, even the police station in the column name is signed on behalf of. Back to the neighborhood, Wang Xiujun conducted a survey, documents on static must finally admitted that Wang Xiujun's name and the police are the names of the sign of her, but she is be in the right and self-confident: "before the meeting I can sign the director,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], why not?"
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By Daniel Punch
See all Articles submitted by SelfGrowth.com AdminSee SelfGrowth.com Admin&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on Friendship & LonelinessGet Updates on SelfGrowth.com Admin Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
Hope lives deep down inside us all. Peace and love are the true driving forces behind our actions. Let other people, and other forces of the higher self help you when you feel like all is lost. Life is a great adventure and we can’t forget that. We’re all here to help each other out. Someone could be waiting for your connection right now.
Do you ever feel like you just can’t figure out life, like there’s no one who understands how you see things? Praying to the Great Spirit is probably your best bet, but if you believe the higher power lives in all things,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that little box in your room with the wire that connects to masses of human society could be an option for regaining lost hope. The Internet could just give you the injection of spirit you’ve been looking for.
Darkness surrounds you on all sides. Sometimes it just feels like you’re totally alone in the world. Many belief systems say that to find happiness and peace you need to go within yourself and speak to a higher power,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], asking for help. Some believe that all things in life are reflections of your self,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], part of a whole singular universal life force. Well if this is the case,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it means that all objects are just parts of the self to be explored. This brings us to the Internet. Here is a tool,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], an external aspect of you that can help us to find a little light when all seems hopeless.
You might even want to personally communicate with some of these people. People who think differently than the people in your local area or maybe you don’t have anyone to talk to where you are. They could even become new friends. Blogs are on-line journals where you can comment and have direct discussions with the writers. You can join ‘communities’ that are interested in exactly the same things as you. Let me tell you, you’re not alone in the world. There are others just like you out there no matter how different,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], weird, or individual you think you are.
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The Web is full of knowledge and information on a multitude of life’s subjects, with opinions that cover both sides of the coin and in between. Look up any subject and your questions may be answered. A lot of happy and intelligent souls are sharing their ideas and opinions with the rest of us. I doubt there is a single topic that hasn’t been discussed by someone.
Email, web cams,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], chat rooms all exist to help you connect with other people,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], to add your perspective on the world. The more voices we can hear, the more shared experiences, the stronger humanity will become as a united force. This will result in much less people feeling like they are alone and have no one to share their life with.
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Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What's up? Why is he doing that? He's never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work.